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Talk:Crusaders of Retribution
The Crusaders of Retribution: their thing is that they're relievers and retrievers. This, along with much of what you've written, sounds more like mates talking at a pub than a well-crafted piece of text for a fanon article. It's lazy, buddy. *'Due to them being so mobile, they're primarily fleet based.' The logic here is the wrong way around. They'd be mobile because they're Fleet-Based, not Fleet-Based because they're mobile. *'They have an extra scout company...' This can be interpreted by us readers in one of two ways: **They have an extra company of 100 Scouts, thus putting them at 1,100 Marines. ***This doesn't make a huge amount of sense unless the rest of the Chapter was larger as well (e.g. more and/or larger Battle Companies, etc etc etc). ***This would break the rules of this Fanon Wiki since no Chapter can be greater than 1,000 Marines. **If you mean to say that the original Scout Company (10th Company) is split into two Companies in order to accommodate the changes you've listed, why bother? What you've described is part of what the Scout Company in most other Chapters does anyway. *Chapter Recruiting, Tactics and Training should be three different sections. *Don't abreviate the Chapter name to COR. It reads so poorly, plus in a colloqueal way, nobody is ever going to say COR. If you want to shorten it, it is better to use and reads easier if the abreviation is Crusaders or The Crusaders. *With the artifacts that the Chapter hides for potential recruits: **Why every decade? The Chapter would probably be recruiting a lot more frequently than that. **Why are the Scouts hiding them? Why can't other Astartes do it? **What is the significance of these artifacts? **Why do potential candidates have only 48 hours to find them? **Is there a set of challenges inherent in the finding of these relics that demonstrates to the Chapter that these people are better suited to becoming Astartes when compared with other recruits? *The Chapter Organisation section is just a mess of information, much of which is not necessary. *'The Head of the COR ... These are individuals that meet to discuss tactics, briefing, recruiting, and any other big event for the chapter.' This is what the high-ranking members of any other Chapter do anyway..... *One last general point - Proof-Reading! This article needs hardcore Proof-Reading for many reasons. With the way this artcile is written (the apparently lazy approach you've taken to it as well aside), I honestly can't tell if this is supposed to be a humour article or if you are just not well verse in how to write an article like this. That being said - If this is a serious article and you would like any help, I'd be more than willing to help you. Best of luck, IllumiNini (talk) 00:52, March 2, 2017 (UTC) This is actually extremely still in the work in progress stage. Most of this had been written up on my phone and I pasted everything I had to cut it down and work it out. I just have not had a chance to edit a bunch of things. Crixus Kyner (talk) 02:40, March 2, 2017 (UTC)